Single: It’s Ghetto here, but God
In all of my blogging, I’ve never focused a blog on my singleness, but recently I felt the need to share some of my journey. I was talking with a friend the other day and I was like, I’ve been single for over 20 years. And now I’m telling you, I’m over it. Lol.
In my single season, I’ve had highs and lows. Recently I’ve felt like there were more lows, why, because like I said before I’m over it. Lol. Just as I’m sure many feel the need to give up from time to time, I’m no different, even in my single season. I’ve begun to question myself, am I asking for too much? Perhaps I should have just settled. I mean, as long as they weren’t crazy, I could have made it work, right? The more I question myself the more I remind myself of the promises of God. And God is the great God he is, sent a reminder to me. I went to listen to music on my phone and the first song that came on was “God can do anything.” The song talks about the miracles of God and how we are believing in more. As I listened to the words of the song, I was reminded that God can do anything, including bringing my husband to me. While I admit being single is ghetto, there have indeed been blessings within this season. I wanted to share with you some of the lessons I’ve learned from my single season. And for those married and thinking, let me exit stage right, I encourage you to keep reading as some of my insights might be helpful to you as well in any season.
Lessons learned in my singleness:
Prayer is your lifeline: I often times get frustrated being single. I desire to be married and many times it seems that it’s all around me, married, getting married, etc. But what keeps me at peace is prayer. I can be mad but when I pray and read the word it provides clarity and perspective. Paul said our single season is a gift from God. During this time, we must see it as a gift. I’ll share more on that in one of my other points.
Honesty is necessary: No one wants to be around someone that can’t keep it real. They have a false sense of reality and the same is true for you. If you don’t want to be around a liar or someone that does not tell the truth or tell it like it is, then why would anyone else, including you. Don’t lie to yourself, be honest about where you are in your life. You can’t do anything about it if you are lying to yourself, so be honest with your feelings. It’s okay to acknowledge that being single is ghetto, especially when it comes to dating (including online dating *insert eye roll*, but that’s another blog post). Lol. Be honest with your feelings so you can address them and deal with them.
Settling isn’t an option: Listen, Linda, settling is absolutely not an option. We don’t have time to just be out here being anything less than our best selves. I’ve been waiting this long and I’ll be doggone if I just get married just to say I’ve been married. If God has given you a vision of your marriage or life and people come along that don’t fit, don’t do it. You’ll regret it later. And back to my first point about prayer, yea, you are going to need a lot of that as you make decisions about dating, marrying, and just plan life. He will direct you if you are settling or not. Don’t forget your compass, the word of God. It’s there to give you direction.
Be open: We all have our desires of what we want in a mate, fine, a millionaire, and at least 6 ft, you know the usual. Lol. But all jokes aside, I think it’s important to have a list, but it’s more in line with what you can live with and those things that are non-negotiable. What does that look like for you? Don’t allow your list to be so closed off that you aren’t open to new opportunities. Sometimes I pray for things to happen and then it happens, but it doesn’t happen the way I believe it should so I’m thrown off. I had to learn that God knows best and I must trust his judgment, if he said he will bless me, I must believe that he will and remember that it might not be the way I think it will be. Be open to God and what he can do to him and how he will do it. I’ve officially given up on thinking I know what’s going on, I’ve yielded to God bc clearly, he knows best. It always turns out better when he does it anyway.
Live: Being single is not a death sentence, the same is true for those with kids or those that are married, it’s not a death sentence, don’t forget to LIVE! God has chosen you to be in this season for this time, be sure that you are a good steward of this time and make the most of it. If you want to go on the trip, go on the trip, if you want to try that new restaurant, try the new restaurant. Don’t believe the lie that you have to be married to do x y or z. You can do it now. You can experience it now. Make good use of this time because once it’s gone, it’s not coming back.
Remove/eliminate the chatter: People will always have something to say. Somebody had something to say about you today but is that your concern, absolutely not. Continue to mind the business that pays you and sometimes that’s still too much. I’m a member of mind your business ministries and we do exactly that, we mind our business. When people come to you and ask questions like, you still single, you haven’t gotten married yet? Or you should do this or that? In the words of my cousin, “eat the meat and spit out the bones.” Some things might be relevant and helpful, take it in. Other things will not, spit it right out, you don’t need that. And definitely ignore the negativity, ain’t nobody got time for that!
I hope the lessons I’ve learned through my single season is helpful to you. As I read over it, I was blessed all over again. Sometimes it’s good to get a reminder. Let this post be that for you. Being Single is a gift from God, this can be the time of your life if you make it. You won’t get this time back, so make the most of it. Be blessed!